I was always afraid of the dark but for different reasons. It changed gradually after my father died, the black water in the canals here reminds me of how alluring I thought it was in the beginning. Spending lazy summer days on the beaches in Los Angeles and staying behind on my own after sunset. How the dark would make it impossible to see where the sky ended and the ocean began, behind me the lights from the city and the noise.
For a while it was the only thing that felt real, I used to imagine going into the water but something always pulled me back. Fear maybe, my restlessness made me want to escape somewhere and in the darkness by the ocean I felt as if I really had the chance. Everything could be over so easily and no one would ever know.