Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Saint-Germain stories

Paris is slightly less of a whore than I remember. I spend most of my days half-dressed in bed with the Don't disturb sign hanging on the door knob 24/7, just in case. In the evenings I eat oysters and drink Chianti wines at La Coupole until the staff politely asks me to leave, hiding in plain sight from Henry. Every night I wait anxiously for him to show up from nowhere (because fear is, if nothing else, a feeling I still treasure), but he never does.

I sometimes fantasize about going to his apartment, to knock on his door and be invited in. He puts his hands around my neck and squeezes so hard I almost can't breathe. I pretend that it hurts me and he throws me down on his bed, rips the clothes off my body and fucks me without saying a single word. Afterwards we share a cigarette in the dim light from his kitchen lamp and he tells me that he loves the way I wear my hair now.

I was never the girl that dreamt about fairytale castles and pink princess dresses, in case you were wondering. The stories I wrote in school made my teachers call mother to emergency meetings more than once. She acted upset but on the way home always bought me candy and told me I was on my way to something truly great and beautiful.
























10 comments:

  1. I've accepted my versions of incomplete stories. These days even when I think of him, in my head I've forgiven him and let him go. My versions of castles are now designed by me. I still wait for love though, I don't know about this part however.

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  2. Pink is as good as any other color. You are both great and beautiful.

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  3. same. we writers are so misunderstood. the As Told by Ginger episode "And She Was Gone" for reference.

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  4. Love how your mom supported you. I think the schools are scared of how great their students could be that they try to clip their wings more often than not.

    You write so beautifully still.

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  5. Despite everything, your mom was right when she said you were on your way to something great and beautiful.

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  6. I've missed your writing on here :) Finally, trying to catch up now.

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  7. I think your mom was totally right that you were on your way to something great and beautiful... I do think she needed to address the dark parts of your feeling though... xox

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  8. It is lucky your mother didn't give in to how the school system wanted you to write. You have an incredible mind and brilliant way of putting it to paper (or into blog posts). If your mother didn't buy you candy you might just be another face in the crowd blushing to teenage TV shows and following a crowd.

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  9. Your second paragraph... I do the same... ❤

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