Wednesday, July 10, 2013

A night in the skin

There's a certain density in the air now, encapsulated in the raindrops, it keeps me falling in and out of sleep until the morning. I dream intensely and wake up in the dark, the heart in a violent uproar, all I can wear is thin layers of lace and his intrusive absence.

This morning on his side of the bed, something about a dream I had forcing me to reach for the letter I wrote to him, the one in the night stand drawer. My fingertips brushing against a soft piece of fabric and the warmth of the air turns to ice in a fraction of a heartbeat.

On top of the letter, neatly folded and smelling vaguely of his cologne: the black Givenchy cardigan I got him for his birthday. Hours later I still can't escape the image of him placing it there, of him finding the letter, reading it and putting it back before I could see him, and of him saying "I love you" just before he left, not letting me know if he had read it or not.

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