Tuesday, March 8, 2016

Closer than ever before

I'm renting an apartment somewhere along a quiet coastline, just to remember what it was like to be alone. There's a small marina nearby but no yachts, just fishing boats and seagulls and abandoned restaurants. I can see parts of it from the little French balcony, the wardrobe in the bedroom overflows with ivory white lace blouses and the light curtains smell distinctly of cigarette smoke and old people.

I write more than I read but nothing gets finished. Every day I start working on a new letter, addressed to him but with different sentiments depending on the dreams I had the night before. I tell him about sunrises and sunsets, about people I meet in the bakery and about how I sometimes want to be just like him; how I know that sometimes he wants to be just like me.

I write outside and in bed, by the water or on a cast iron bench between the house and the towering mountains just off the coast. Always by hand, always knowing exactly what I want to tell him, but the part I never get to is when I ask him if he'll ever accept me back.





11 comments:

  1. I await each of your posts with bated breath, and they are always worthwhile. I hope that one day you will finish what you write to him too.

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  2. This morning, I was walking down 14th Street and thinking: "I wish it would rain for one whole day and Avy would write something."

    He has read all your letters, the version of him that lives inside you. The question is whether that other version, the one that exists independently, will ever come looking for you.

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  3. sometimes its difficult to express yourself.

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  4. Used to live on an island. In a coastline of a small tourist village... small harbour and during off-season, no yachts, just fishing boats and seagulls and abandoned restaurants. Beautiful...

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  5. The weird part is when you realise you're writing to someone and they're never going to read it. And you don't want them to either. xo

    www.thelittleenigma.blogspot.com

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  6. I have been thinking of you Avy... I missed your writing... I think you need to finish that letter, it is better to know one way or the other... being in limbo isn't good. I know this... xox

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  7. Spring is around the corner. What may it bring? I wish you to find what you need, by the brightening sea.

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  8. Take ur time, when you're ready, u'll know what to do.

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  9. I really think you should write a book. Or have you already?You're such a wordsmith.

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