Thursday, January 14, 2016

The stars look very different today

I escaped to Florence and have been hiding here for fourteen days like a deserter. I went to the airport without packing while he was out buying us breakfast, turned off my phone and got on a plane to see S for New Year's. I haven't checked my Facebook or e-mails since, afraid of what he might have written (or not written).

His absence is physical more than anything, I made space for other memories to form while I'm away, yet I can't stop myself from wondering what he will do to me eventually. Will I even see him again, if I ever go back to Paris? Will he spend months tracking me down, just so he can hurt me the way I deserve to be hurt?

I thought that leaving him like this would make me feel something but it doesn't, not even the fear excites me, not just yet. Maybe if I see him again I'll know, I want to see him again, I need to see him. I need to see him again. I do.


























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12 comments:

  1. You write so beautifully, Avy. Emotionally. Love the David Bowie reference in your title.

    It's late, but I hope you were able to enjoy the holidays. And that 2016 treats you well.

    Eve
    Edge of Night

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  2. There is nothing more liberating than walking away. The fear is real, but the air is so much clearer.

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  3. You don't deserve to be hurt. That I know.

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  4. I wish I could just pack up and leave.

    Not on a plane though. Planes are terrifying.

    <3

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  5. This was beautiful, yet sad.
    Stay awesome as ever, Avy,
    Much love,
    Archie <3

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  6. Avy, I don't think you deserve to be hurt and I hope if you see him he will understand you needed to leave... You have to do what is right for you xox

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  7. Sometimes, you leave, but you just don't know why you're doing it. Sometimes, there's no other way to protect yourself. xoxo

    www.thelittleenigma.blogspot.com

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  8. there's nothing wrong with making sure.
    i hope the 'just in case to know' works out for you.

    S

    www.allwhowait.blogspot.com

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  9. I've been in Florence last November. For some reason I thought of you.
    Your words are my nightstand book right now.

    Marta
    My blog is now at http://www.martacabralphoto.com/

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  10. I think eventually you'll feel something, and it will show you that it was all real. x

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  11. Oh, I have spent half my life trying to escape from something and the other half afraid of doing so. How brave you are. You are my girl.

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