Nine more days, hour after hour flickers by like scenes from a silent movie. I'm somewhere else, watching things happen as from outside of something. Reality I guess. I can't recognize myself in the mirror and sometimes in the dark I feel him standing next to me, his arm around my childish waist, my heavy head resting safely against his shoulder.
They say that New Year's is a chance to
start all over. It never made sense to me in the past but my memories
are slowly fading and once they're gone I will have nothing left to
fight for. Maybe I need to stop talking to myself here, stop trying to
put my nothingness into words on this blog.
Mother is on her way
to London with Frank. "I thought I told you" she says when she calls me
at 8 A.M. from the airport. I'm watching her from outside my body, the
girl who's left alone for Christmas, and what frightens me the most is
that nothing really seems to get to her.