Detachments

In all of the storms here I come to thinking about Stephanie. Sometimes I forget about her and suddenly remembering the way she smiled when I left her sends shivers down my spine. It's been months since I last heard her voice through the wires, she was in Venice then, we had spent a drunken week together in the canals and the alleys and she called me just to say hello.

I always feel as if I owe her something, a bigger piece of my heart or another way of listening. It's a guilt that could tare me apart in the past but more and more I'm learning to ignore it. The indifference frightens me, the way I'm completely numb sometimes, and all that calms me down now is the sporadic vivid memory of something I used to feel. It so often starts with a dream.