Friday, August 10, 2012

Vivre sa vie

Woke up early this morning to the feeling of someone standing in my room, by my bed. It was just a dream of course, but my pounding heart kept me from going back to sleep. It's too calm here, too quiet, mother hasn't been home for weeks (whatever "home" is these days) and the apartment is losing the scent of her perfumes. Chloe leaves in the mornings and doesn't come back until late at night, sometimes we share a bottle of wine but mostly we just sit together in silence with the lights turned off.

I'm afraid we'll run out of things to talk about, and of everything that is still unsaid: about Carl, about her father, about my father. There are no pictures left of him, I'm slowly forgetting what he looked like but sometimes I can see it so clearly in my dreams. When I wake up the images are always gone, impossible to recreate but sharp enough to fill me with an incisive sadness I almost lost somewhere along the way. I think it's the only thing that reminds me I'm still alive.






23 comments:

  1. Sometimes dreams are clearer than reality !!!

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  2. as long as you can still dream, he'll still be there.

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  3. I know the feeling, sometimes when I dream things seem to remain the same, even the happy feeling, everything still lives in my dreams. It's hard but it will get better with time. Be strong *

    Love * Monstros no Armário

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  4. Your words. Your photos. They are beautiful.

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  5. dreams, so close. well sharing a glass of wine at night
    is all bad.

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  6. It's amazing how a dream can make you feel in the morning... good or bad.

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  7. If only we could live were reality and need meet.

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  8. your words, your photos, your blog -- beautiful. i feel like i'm reading an excerpt from a novel. i'm following you now. i need your blog on my blogroll.

    <3 :-)

    http://softvoiceofafreespirit.blogspot.com

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  9. Today your words fill me with a pain tinged in sadness that can't explain. That picture too was a perfect one for this post. You look as if your body is involuntarily curling in on itself, protecting you.

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  10. I'm sorry Avy. I wish I could tell you it would get better, but I'm not so sure myself. I'm sure you know this already.

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  11. No matter how pretty you write your words, this one makes me sad, idk.

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  12. The thought of losing someone as dear as my parents is a nightmare in itself.

    I wish you happier days in many folds :)


    Not Just My Allegories

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  13. that's sad, it's so hard to lose someone, I lost my father a few years ago, and am going through a break up now, but I know things will be ok again, hopefully soon. I checked out your friends, blog, beautiful too :)
    secret stare

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  14. Sad post... but good one! I love your last post 'Don Quijote', hahahha, I like what you write.
    Gloria.

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  15. Wow, what a lovely post! The photographs you included really work with the mood of your words :)

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  16. You will never forget in your heart.

    much love xx

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  18. hold onto your dreams, they make more sense sometimes..
    xxx scarzz

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  19. Oh Avy, I adore you. Your posts are so addicting.
    Rich with words and beautiful pictures. The best of both worlds.

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  20. I love reading your post. I have similar dream.
    www.maplesjanet.com

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  21. I love reading your post. I have similar dream.
    www.maplesjanet.com

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  22. Cute Blog and I like the blog name. Your from LA Im from SD, follow each other?

    STYLE DRUM -

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