Monday, June 18, 2012

Shadowlands


I get scared when people tell me they want to have my lifestyle. This is not Sex and the City, this is not the glamorous journey towards a happy ending like in the fairy tales. This is a car ride in the middle of the night, in the dark, and the lights along the road are from burning forests. As beautiful as it is to watch from a distance it will kill you, either the heat of the flames or the suffocating carbon monoxide in the air.

S called me earlier in the middle of a dream, her voice like black satin. She told me about a photo album and pictures from a long lost time when everything was pretty and pink. "It was", she said, "as if I saw myself from outside my own body".

My father left me hundreds and hundreds of pictures, but none are of him. When it hurts the most I can't even remember what he looked like.







59 comments:

  1. love the photos, the dark red hues are amazing!
    x

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  2. Your words. Your pictures. Your soul. Beautiful.

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  3. You don't make your life sound glamorous, or something to envy. That is why it sounds real. Life is hard no matter what we have. People should value what THEY have.

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  4. I totally thought of Gossip Girl for some reason when I read your posts. I love them!

    Stop by sometime, Natalie xo
    lavagabonddame.blogspot.com

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    Replies
    1. Me, too! Because Chuck Bass once said to Jenny: "The world you're looking for only exists from the outside. The only reason I survive in it is because I always knew it was empty."

      Hugs

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  5. beautiful!!

    follow me


    http://tainted-feathers.blogspot.co.uk/

    xx

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  6. It's terrifying, isn't it? To be unable to picture the face of someone you love.

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  7. I remember the first time I read you and the line that made me follow you... "I feel the urge to be touched, to touch and to leave someone behind in an unmade bed before the sun comes back up." The last thing you wrote on this post made me think how sometimes we want to forget some faces and how sometimes we try to hard to remember others.

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  8. in my memory she is a post modern grace kelly and he is a young alain delon standing on the cliffs overlooking his kingdom. even though she was hiding the bottles in her dressing room closets and he was a plain workaholic.

    I miss their faces, too. they are getting blurry already.

    XX

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  9. Beautiful pictures, nice post :)

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  10. Its good to be back. Missed you, S and words. <3

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  11. thanx <3
    lovely post!
    let's read each other?
    love, Poppy :)

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  12. I am really sorry you cannot remember who your father is :( I cannot even imagine !
    This is a really interesting blog, and I do plan on revisiting ! new follower :)

    XOXO
    Alexandra Marie

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  13. Im sure your father loves you sweetie :)

    Followed you through GFC
    Pls follow mine, too!

    http://carmiscaprice.blogspot.com

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  14. I know the feeling. When I describe to people my adventures as a child making daisy chains and running about in dresses instead of watching tv, it's almost as if I'm speaking about someone else. And they generally act very surprised to hear it.

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  15. I think you touch on something that's very hard for human beings to accept, let alone remember: That there's no such thing as a solid, immoveable self. We, as beings, are rolling constellations of constant change, never identical from one moment to the next.

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  16. schööne Bilder :))
    http://turn-the-lights-off.blogspot.de/

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  17. what a lovely post! adore the way u write plus these photos are gorgeous! x

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  18. Avi
    deep and beautiful writing!
    thanks for leaving a nice comment on my blog.
    kisses
    bea
    beaishappy.blogspot.com.es

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  19. Even glamorous fairy tales have fatal endings. "Happily ever after" means they died at peace.

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  20. Beautiful story! I can't imagine being in the same position, not knowing who my father is but don't let it stop you from being happy!

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  21. Great photos!

    Visit my blog, if you like it follow me, I follow you back soon!!!
    xoxo from Italy
    www.cheapandglamour.com

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  22. You write beautifully. Are the photos yours? They are great also.

    http://annesmerdonartist.blogspot.com

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  23. Simply wow!

    http://haylawithlove.blogspot.com

    x

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  24. fantastic blog, u have a new follower! hope u follow me back?:)

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  25. Wonderful writing. It's very haunting, but beautiful.

    -Lauren

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  26. Very haunting but interesting! You write so well!

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  27. Now following... I have to admit though I'm utterly confused! Haha.

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  28. i think people want your lifestyle because they want something they never had but i think if they were to be put into your shoes they would realize that everyone has there on shit and that no life is utterly completly perfect.
    Also you write beautifully

    http://etantmoi.blogspot.com/
    http://etantmoi.blogspot.com/
    http://etantmoi.blogspot.com/

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  29. This really touched me <3

    And I also thought the SATC reference was really funny

    x

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  30. too effing beautiful, sadly beautiful!
    xx

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  31. You're a wonderful and creative writer, you're stories never fail take me on a journey..

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  32. very touchy, creative posts babe

    fashion0beauty.blogspot.in visit mi sometime

    happieee monsoon!!!!!

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  33. Niceeee pictures!!

    www.lepeppermint.com

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  34. Everyone thinks that the grass is greener on the other side. Rest assured most people are driving blind amongst burning forest - but you have an advantage because you have the sensibilities and words to paint pictures of the dark.

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  35. amazing photos! would you like to follow eaech other?:)

    ♡kisses
    precious

    http://preciouslovestyle.blogspot.com/

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  36. It's sad to see some people don't like their own lives, but this is all their fault, because they made this way.
    Absolutely love this post.
    I'm sorry that you don't have any picture with your father.
    Photos are so inspiring.

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  37. I'm trying.
    Thank you for leaving a comment on my blog. ♥

    I am so sorry for you that you have no photos of your dad...
    That must be awful.

    The post is written amazingly. :)

    Um, I hope you understand what I wanted to say.
    I mean, I love the english language, but I don't speak it very well. Probably, I typed way too much commas. :D

    lena

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  38. every idiot chick compares writing + being in NY to Sex and the city. it must be so...eye-rolling-worthy.

    i love reading what you write. sad about your father...

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  39. Thank-you for the lovely comment you left on my blog!

    x

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  40. You have a beautiful and almost romantically haunting way with words. I've been enjoying reading your last few posts. Looking forward to seeing more!

    Sincerely,
    Sabrina

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  41. Thanks for sharing, you are a wonderful writer.

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  42. Beautiful, stunning imagery..overuse of adjectives but it seemed fitting! You are a brilliant writer also, I look forward to your future posts xx

    sophiemayanne.blogspot.co.uk

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  43. Very nice clicks and so emotional post... But nice post

    cardigan sweaters for women

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  44. Thanks for your comment and I wish you continue your blog! Despite of my difficulty of my english comprehension, I'm aware of your photographic job which is really nice !
    Good continuation!
    One kiss from a french girl !

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  45. Loving the cotton...xx! a new follower!

    xx!
    chickturistanextdoor.blogspot.com

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