Wednesday, April 11, 2012

All the dreams we held so close

This solitude is rapidly getting more intrusive. I sleep too much and wake up vividly remembering all my dreams, they're with me up until the moment I get up and they dissolve like chimney smoke. Everything becomes an excuse for taking a warm shower, getting back into bed without clothes and fantasizing for however long it takes to be calm again (mother's wine only gives me palpitations these days). The subtle scent absorbed by my fingertips reminds me of Miri, the night we kissed in that drunken haze back in Los Angeles. I haven't spoken to her in years.

When I think of her I see the sepia-colored picture on the bedside table, my mother's father looking inexpressively at us from across time and space. The grandfather I never knew, the connection (if there is one) I've been searching for ever since I found mother's diary with those missing pages, her own words about the days on the Trans-Siberian Railway with my father, more than 30 years ago.

1978-12-03

T:s silence is worrying me. "It's been done" he said and nothing more. Maybe I'm not as calm as I think I am, if I was I would be able to talk to him, to look into his eyes and feel that everything will eventually be fine, for the both of us. We're back where we started in a day or two, but everything has changed, of course. It's what happens in times of war, everyone has blood on their hands but it's only the honest ones who are not afraid of admitting it. What it does to the rest of your life is another matter.



36 comments:

  1. Incredibly haunting images...your voice as a writer is so personal, it's trancendant! Beautiful post hun!

    xo-Julie
    Peace. Love. LOL!

    Haute Khuuture.com

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  2. Love the images.

    Regards,
    V

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  3. I can't stop reading you're blog. The writing is so poignant and real. Love the photos.
    X

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  4. Everyone has blood on their hands,true. It's a gutted place and blood acts for water. I'm gonna write something on this line. Thanks for inspiring me!:-)

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  5. Such an inspiring post!

    http://girlonbroughtonstreet.blogspot.co.uk/

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  6. I love this post, such an inspiration!

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  7. not all our sleep is self restoring, sometimes i think it does more harm than good.

    <3

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  8. Hay hermosas fotos en tu blog!

    http://dancingwithtearsgf.blogspot.com/

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  9. I like when you do those blurry pictures with you.
    I think you inherited the tallent to write so beautiful from your mother.
    Have a wonderful day, dear!
    x

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  10. Wow your mother seems to write just like you, and as such, just as beautifully!

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  11. I remember stories of Miri

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  12. Nice post, I love the pictures:)
    Hugs<3

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  13. You have wits and wisdom to you - some spend their entire lives and some sell their souls to find xx

    sending you happy spells

    amyflyingakite.com

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  14. This blog is so inspiring, full of original ideas.
    im loving this honey, keep going!

    souvenirspourtoujours.blogspot.com

    x

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  15. Love the name of your blog - sooo eye catching!
    Very inspiring blog you have. Love it!!!

    Following you.
    Don't forget to enter my giveaway at

    http://chicadvisor.blogspot.ca/2012/04/welcome-spring-and-my-first-blog.html

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  16. Thank you for your comment :)

    You write very nicely!

    Nikki – inspire nordic

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  17. defetately looooove your photos!!!!
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    http://underfashionarrest.blogspot.com/

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  18. thanks for commenting on my blog friend. love to know ya.
    keep posting.
    have a blessed day ;)

    http://degeekyshinly.blogspot.com/

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  19. Angie is one of my favorite songs ever.
    And the last pic is beautiful!

    xxx

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  20. I liked your sentences on Miri, very subtly erotic. The photos are incredible, too. You've outdone yourself today.

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  21. lovely photos and lovely blog!

    I'm your new follower;)

    http://janakirchner-photography.blogspot.de/

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  22. Your blog is quite different from others, really like it. i love the way you express your feelings, and the photos you post with it are amazing.

    Congrats for a very nice blog :)

    xx
    ECLECTIC SONJA

    http://eclecticsonja.blogspot.com.es/

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  23. the diary passage is intriguing and if is correct quite
    authentic... yes you do write honesty yet delicately.

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  24. These pictures go so well together, and your writing is eloquent.

    xo,
    Mariamma

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  25. These photographs are beautiful, and your blog...completely unique. You write with such poise, I feel like I'm reading pages from a novel

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