Monday, March 26, 2012

Down the rabbit hole

Ever since Wednesday's eery snapshots of the past I've been living my life under multiple layers of mulberry silk. It works as armor when the skin becomes too fragile for whatever reason. I get into mother's bed when she's not at home, undress under the flowing sheets and read the opening lines from the books on her night stand:

Agnes Grey (All true histories contain instruction; though, in some, the treasure may be hard to find, and when found, so trivial in quantity that the dry, shrivelled kernel scarcely compensates for the trouble of cracking the nut)

Alice in Wonderland (Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, `and what is the use of a book,' thought Alice `without pictures or conversation?')

Anna Karenina (Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way)

She pulled me away instantly the moment she saw me talking to the lady in black at the party. "I want to introduce you to some friends" she said frantically with her hand wrapped tight around my wrist, but the dark spots of wine spilled on the antique Persian carpet told another story; a bourbon-drinking ghost in the corner of my eye for the rest of the night, mother talking incoherently and high-pitched between breaths.

When we got back home she said "that one is a little bit crazy" and went straight to bed. I slept lightly next to an ivory white dress she used to wear during warm summer evenings in LA. When my father died she stopped using it, and last week I found it in the back of her closet here in New York. It still smells of daffodils and cigarette smoke, ten years later.


35 comments:

  1. It's been a long time since I have found a blog that makes me want to start at the beginning and read every post. Happy to have found this space.

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  2. I love how you write. You just have this thing, that makes me feel like I'm inside of you, and feel the same with you. It's awesome. I don't have this feeling very often. Good job. It's nice to see that some people are not afraid to say what they think.
    xx

    (sorry for shitty grammar)

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  3. Now I want to know all there is to know about the lady in black. Also, blah, I love this writing. So MUCH.

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  4. I'll repeat every previous comment.. I LOVE HOW YOU WRITE! I extremely love it!!

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  5. is that how the heart feels? like daffodils & cigarette smoke. is it stale, time for cleaning? or do we want to preserve the moments, holding tightly, letting them linger? sometimes while trying to read, to escape, i find truths i was trying to avoid. do you?

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  6. you're writing is incredible and so interesting! keep it up!

    x

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  7. Adorei teus textos! Muito bons, estou te seguindo

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  8. I always enjoy reading your blog.
    Also love that shirt, and is my dream
    sit down by the Alice statue.
    Have a nice day :)

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  9. I love your writing, it's amazing!

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  10. You lead a very interesting life and I adore the way you write!


    http://prettylittletitch.blogspot.com/

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  11. I always love reading your blog

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  12. I love your writing so fucking much. so glad i found your blog.

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  13. "and last week I found it in the back of her closet here in New York. It still smells of daffodils and cigarette smoke, ten years later."

    Memories and sheets. Don't you think they're ex lovers? Your writing is beautiful and bittersweet. I love everything. And you, be strong.

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  14. Stumbled onto your blog and just wanted to show you some blog luv! def enjoyed this post :)

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    http://mscomposure.blogspot.com

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  15. love the alice statue from central park!

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  16. Wow, what a great blog! Loved reading it so I'm now following it!
    It's so awesome!
    Hugs<3

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  17. what a great pics!! i love the color on them :)

    www.meryswardrobe.blogspot.com

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  18. thanks for the nice comment.
    i love your pictures.

    what do you think about following each other.?
    i read your blog now. (:

    michi-mirtillo.blogspot.com

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  19. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  20. An amazing pen you have! :-)

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  21. Beautiful!

    www.constance-victoria.blogspot.co.uk

    x

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  22. wow, you are a gifted writer. The ending was so poignant and sincere without being sugar-coated. Thank you for this.

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  23. the last picture is amzing!

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  24. thank you for the comment love <3

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  25. Lovely writing, really really loved it. <3 And the last picture, can you tell us where is it? :)
    Thanks! **

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  26. Wow, such a melancholic post. I wonder how the dress retained its frangance.

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  27. funny how some of the people closest to us become
    possessive when we aren't following them around as
    usual.

    i love the image of you sleeping next to your
    mom's precious dress.

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