Friday, March 9, 2012

Ambitions

Three more days, the letter still lies unopened in its bright blue envelope on the kitchen counter. "If you don't open it I will", mother yells through a cloud of cigarette smoke. She has this way of disappearing and reappearing without giving anything away about where she's been or what she's been doing. Suddenly she's just there again, looking as graceful as ever in sharp designer suits and a glass of wine in her hand. You can tell by the fine lines in her face she's not young anymore, but she still knows how to make a stunning appearance wherever she goes.

When my father died she said he didn't leave a letter behind for us to read. I know she's lying but not why. In her diary - the one that starts with the trip to Russia - there are a few pages missing. On November 27th she writes that she knows what she has to do, this is the entry five days later, after the missing pages:

1978-12-02

A heavy snowfall halts the train, I know where we are for the first time in weeks. T hasn't said a word in days, he sleeps a lot and when he doesn't he stares out the window at the white wilderness flickering past us. I'm calm, maybe because I can't feel anything but I try not to think about it. It wouldn't help me, not now, not anymore. I can never go back again, and I guess that's a good thing after all. The only thing ahead of me now is the future, and those endless landscapes between us and the redemption that awaits somewhere.

26 comments:

  1. This tale be never ending! You have spun it so beautifully!

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  2. What a beautiful soul. Love this blog. You express everything so beautifully.

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  3. love this post and gorgeous photo!

    x

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  4. hi! thanks so much for your visit! love your blog really,i'm a follower now! kisses from Greece
    sharingthepointofview.blogspot.com

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  5. I love the way you write.

    You should be a writer (book.:)
    I'd read that ! ♥


    xx
    Thanks for visiting. Have a great weekend girl,

    Satu
    - Indie by Heart

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  6. maybe she was trying to protect you, or perhaps herself, by saying there wasn't a letter, all that time ago? maybe in her grief she forgot? i imagine the unknowing, by not opening it, would feel like haunting. that anticipation of fear, or disappointment. but maybe, just mayb,e it is a treasure. something tangible that you can hold onto, when nothing else feels solid. when nothing else feels real. but then again, who am i to say or know?

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  7. Thank you :)

    fuckyeahaliice.blogspot.com

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  8. Thats a nice photo. i'm already missing the snow :)

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  9. I wish there could always be at least one letter to each of us. Keep writing yours, Avy.

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  10. Found your blog in an involuntary bout of insomnia. I have felt honoured and inspired by how you convey your thoughts, moods and environment. You have helped me find a ray of sunshine in a long-term storm i have been weathering, for as long as i can remember. Long been longing to reignite my love for life. Its still smouldering but buried too deep inside to feel the warmth. I am grateful for even the spark of emotion you gave me. How i landed here i dont know. Maybe i am starting to conspire with fate rather than against it. Like i have been doing for so long. Thank you...

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  11. Thank you, but I'm a beginner in grafic arts (don't know if you say that? :D)
    I love your Blog, I'm already a follower (;

    xoxo

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  12. Thank you for the comment on my blog. I really like this blog, and this is a very unique blog.. and very interesting website address!

    I am now following you, as this is a very good blog!

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  13. I absolutely love the way that you write x

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  14. BEAUTIFUL POSTS AND VERY INSPIRING BLOG!
    WOULD YOU LIKE TO FOLLOW EACH OTHER?
    XOXO,
    FASHIONHYPNOTISED GIRL

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  15. Always enjoy reading your posts. x

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  16. What I really like about your writing is the way you create the spaces in between, where you let it breathe by itself.

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  17. i read through the text and felt so emotional now :(



    WWW.FASHIONGEEKSCLOSET.COM

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  18. Beautiful photo!

    wwww.constance-victoria.blogspot.com

    x

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  19. thank you for the comment dear <3

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  20. the picture you've posted captures the heart of this
    prose -isolation while in the midst of another person,
    cold unrelenting.

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  21. I love how you write the words.

    Love,
    withloveamalia.blogspot.com

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  22. J'aime beaucoup ton blog. Vraiment, tes photos sont magnifiques.

    Passe une bonne journée ^^

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