It should have been a calm weekend with S out on her date and mother back in Los Angeles for the Oscars (don't ask), but then there are those little things that remind of why I'm here. If New York is the powerful pulse that sends blood rushing through my veins again, then Carl is that irregular heartbeat that sometimes causes me to lose my balance and fall. I come to think of it too late at night like a quiet echo in my chest and I have to stay awake in the dark until the morning to get over the worst of the palpitations.
I see him with Chloe, I see them looking at each other, touching, holding hands in silence. It's torture but at least it's an emotion. Back in LA I was completely numb, watching days and weeks pass without notice. I know I hate it there but I couldn't even gather the strength to feel sad about it and it killed me. That city slowly suffocates all life and I'd rather stay up an entire night here, listening to the traffic outside and contemplating my lost chance at love, like this one and possibly the next.