Friday, February 17, 2012

Lady grey

S an I alone in the apartment late at night, dressing up in voluminous silk gowns pretending we're the girls from a Tim Walker shoot for Vogue Italia. Mother's been friendly, the little we've seen of her since we got here. I don't know what she does when she's gone and I don't ask, it doesn't matter as long as she's happy.

She keeps a framed picture on her nightstand, the same black and white she has in our house in Los Angeles. It's the only one I've ever seen of my grandfather, an old man dressed in black with a fur hat on his head, standing in a snowstorm in the middle of Moscow's Red Square.

Every time I see it I think of what she wrote in her diary.

78-11-27

I've made up my mind. I don't know if it's because of that family I saw, the freezing little girl and her parents on the platform, but I know what I have to do. I always imagined I would be able to escape not just in body but also in mind, but the memories and the guilt have been tormenting me in a way I never thought possible lately. I have to tell T somehow, I only wish he will understand and not judge me by my weakness. It would kill me if he did, he's all I have right now.

 

25 comments:

  1. I know what it feels like to have just one person.. and yet worrying and hoping that he understands.

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  2. do you feel like her written words say she needs to escape, but the photo shows her roots are embedded? maybe my interpretation is misconstrued. i often think or dress in pretty things, pretending, as a way to escape too.

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  3. The way you leave the trail just before the climax...keeps me hooked.

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  4. i completely love your blog. Beautiful picture and description as well.....this is what I love to read...

    please follow me. Or whoever else pleases. I will follow in return <3

    heartsintherain.blogspot.com

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  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  6. i guess it doesnt really go with this post, but i adore your way of writing! x

    http://carrotsinajar.blogspot.com

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  7. First of all i must say that i've been reading your blog since the first post nonstop for like two hours now, it's so awesome! I'm really really loving it, you have great texts and great pictures, i'm obviously following now.
    Anyway, thanks for commenting on my blog!

    fromyclosetwithlove.blogspot.com

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  8. Your writing is hauntingly enigmatic.

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  9. i love to pretend to be in a movie, on order set the mood for the day.

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  10. wow!! love it!!

    www.aroundlucia.com
    www.aroundlucia.com

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  11. interesting blog :) by the way, the photo in the end is fabulous! xx

    ruedevogue.blogspot.com

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  12. Hello, how are you? This picture makes me dream,
    decadent, selfish dreams, draw me in behind the
    curtains of my deepest desires.

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  13. when we were small girls, too young for legs and lips, we slithered our bulbous stomachs into discarded bathing suits and leotards, old somethings from relatives, found in the basement. we paraded this way, to and fro, out into the lawn, until mother called us back in before neighbors could see.

    http://dallianceswithsuitsandskirts.blogspot.com/

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  14. wonderful

    http://giaa-fashion.blogspot.com/

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  15. AHAHA your blog name just made my day :D
    I obviously just discovered your blog. I think its darling! Feel free to visit mine. Have a great day!

    Much love, Lilac Tea Cups
    xo Kay
    lilacteacups.blogspot.com

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  16. Nice pictures ! Love the name of your blog !!!!!! :D

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  17. fabulous!
    http://spliffedcookies.blogspot.com/

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  18. such a lovely picture! xx
    http://elliesfavouritethings.blogspot.com/

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  19. Wow, the picture is just stunning! :) Great atmosphere! :) Best wishes from Germany

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