Friday, January 13, 2012

A little too late

This silence sounds like lava floating slowly under the floorboards, ready to erupt. I know I should be somewhere else when it does but where would I go?

It wasn't always like this of course. Memories of other times sometimes echo in the walls, I remember hiding in my room as strange people came and went late in the evenings. When the noise from downstairs got too loud I would call Carl and ask him to come over. We would sleep in my bed, fully dressed (we were 10-11 back then), and wake up to a deafening silence in the morning. I would hold my breath as I went down to find mother and her friends asleep in the living room, empty wine bottles shimmering of sunlight through a light pot-smoke haze.

And I remember Carl asking me about my father. Why wasn't he there to take care of me? I defended him but deep down I felt it too. I couldn't admit it to myself or anyone else, but that was the first time I recognized a fault in him and the first time I felt abandoned.

This is me ashamed in that A&F T-shirt, illustrated by Ivette at Little moon lover


  1. your memory is vivid, your stories written as if they happened yesterday. her drawings are my favorite things to look at. did you know she designs clothes, & writes poetry too?

    1. come on Teddi, don't make me blush haha.. you are way too kind

  2. Your bio says you've been told you taste like revolution. I must say whoever told you that has told you the truth.

    PS The picture perfectly suits the mood of this post.

  3. I feel sad whenever I read your blog. You deserve to be happy, Avy. I don't know if we can ever let go of every thing that hurts, but I'm sure time will heal even the deepest wound.

  4. WOW! Great!

    Much love from the SABO SKIRT girls!

  5. wow... your blog is amazing! my blog with DIY :)

  6. awesome! thanks :)
    ..and amazing openning line btw... "This silence sounds like lava floating slowly under the floorboards, ready to erupt."

  7. The title of your blog is interesting! I'm scrolling through. Thanks for posting and feel free to drop by me too, soon.

  8. Ha, I love your blog! Love the name! Is it true? haha, just curiousity!

  9. Just inhaled about half of your blog. I'm hooked, and know it'll be a delicious ride. I think we always defend people we care about, put them on a pedestal even when they don't deserve it.