Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Gunshot wounds

It didn't work. "Meet us at Alcove" Chloe said when I called her, and there they were: her head leaning softly on his chest, his left arm wrapped close around that 24 inch waist of hers, girly porcelain hand in ruggedly masculine hand. It felt like watching Dior's first post-Galliano haute couture collection, something inside me just wanted to collapse right there on the pavement to be flushed down the drain into the sewers.

I had to go somewhere else, anywhere else. Carl called me twenty minutes later. "What the hell is wrong with you" he said, evidently annoyed. I screamed at him, something about not wanting to ruin a perfectly good illusion of a dream that may or may not be coming true sometime in the future. I don't think he understood.

Back home I asked mother if I could go with her to New York, she laughed before she realized I was serious. I need to get away from this city for a while, away from this plastic surface I keep scratching without ever finding anything underneath.

I'm not angry, just tired.

39 comments:

  1. Thanks for the blog comment, and I'm so glad it led me here! Gorgeous photos and writing. Love.

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  2. Take a rest, Avy, physical and mental. xx

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  3. Find rest and new excitement in nyc, be happy, breathe. The one who matters most is you, and you are responsible for your own happiness. Do whatever the fuck you want, beautiful darling. I highly suggest buying a bodysuit and dancing about with cigarettes and wine.

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  4. you should really go to NY to get away a little. holidays are good for forgetting problems, I use that too when everything's just too much.
    take care of yourself sweetie :)

    xxx

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  5. Dont worry just take rest you have lovely blog

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  6. thank you for the sweet comment dear <3

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  7. Beautiful words and beautiful image

    www.constance-victoria.blogspot.com

    x

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  8. learn to say "fuck it!", because you're better off, and don't be so sad...

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  9. It is hard to watch someone you love with someone else.

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  10. Sometimes we need a little break

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  11. Sometimes I get like that too. I feel so frustrated and alone that I just want to go somewhere else to get an escape from everything. It's good to take a break but running away is not always the solution. Facing our issues is hard but it needs to be done. That's what I learned from my experiences. You'll get through it Avy! Believe in yourself. :)

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  12. you're writing is so intriguing and fascinating, you are so good with words! your blog is wonderful, im really enjoying it!
    and thanks for your sweet comment on my blog :)
    fashionbirthmark.blogspot.com

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  13. The photography on your blog is truly beautiful.
    xox,
    Cee
    http://cocoandvera.blogspot.com

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  14. Oh Avy, the picture itself is so appealing!! Loved it a lot!!

    And hey, its okay to be tired and angry also, if you are. Its completely okay. You need a break. Enjoy your time with mother! You won't regret it! :)

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  15. precious shoot


    thegoorgeous.blogspot.com

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  16. Oh,you're SO me,girl!I know exactly what you mean.It'll keep getting more painful but better in a way too.Go to NY,it'll do you good.And one tip of advice,living the dream is the only way you can ruin it.So,let it be that way.It's more beautiful when it's not real.I follow it rigorously and it has always helped me.Good luck.

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  17. Beautiful photo's and great writing but sad too :( time is a healer as they say and I'm sure you'll come out of this on the better stronger side :) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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  18. your writing skills are absolutely gorgeous dear

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  19. Thanks for your lovely comment!;*

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  20. so beautiful, I enjoyed reading this! xx

    http://coffeebooksandcitylights.blogspot.com/

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  21. The way you write is beautiful, your blog is definitely encouraging me to write more personal posts myself.
    I am your newest follower.

    Tasha xo
    http://kindlytreasures.blogspot.com/

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  22. Traveling is a problem solver. What a great blog :)

    astaryadya.blogspot.com

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  23. all you need is a change, a fresh start! ;-)
    if you want check out my blog i'd really appreciate it!!! kisses
    http://theshopaholicnextdoor.blogspot.com/

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  24. Beautifully written. LOVE the Dior reference. :)

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  25. Really like the way you write! Loved your blog.
    And as for what you wrote, I think it would be great for you to go some place else for a while, to travel, to see other things to take your mind of what is bothering you.

    I'm following.

    Lau
    http://thenewblacksheep.blogspot.com/

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  26. Woww! Loving your gloomy yet lovely scent on your blog! Def can't wait to read more, so I'm following you! ;) Oh, and tanks for your sweet comment on my lil blog. Hope you can drop by again by my blog sometime.

    Hug and kiss kiss,
    Liz

    http://voguishdoodles.blogspot.com/

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  27. lovely blog dear!!
    would like to foollow each other?
    kisses
    <3

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  28. thank you for the sweet comment dear <3

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  29. There is no way of expecting the unexpected. NYC always has surprises just by looking at the buildings

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  30. Love your blog. You're really talented.

    XO Aline
    browneyedgirlaline.blogspot.com

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  31. Your words are beautiful. Enjoy and be happy in NY .
    Loved your blog (:

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  32. Thanks for your comment ! Do stop by anytime again / follow - I always follow back via Bloglovin'

    Have a great weekend!

    Satu
    - Indie by Heart

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  33. Interesting Dior analogy. Hope you're ok.

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  34. beautiful photo.
    thanks so much for your comment xx

    - eyespyy.blogspot.com

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