Saturday, December 10, 2011

Closer

I wanted to call him today but didn't, ashamed of my egotistical reasons. He deserves better than to hear me rant about this misguided jealousy. I am happy for S, but that's only a part of it. The feeling of running into them earlier today downtown, him looking good in a black leather jacket, her looking happily in love. I went home, began dialing his number but stopped myself, mother's words echoing in my mind:

78-11-21

I don't know where we are anymore and I'm starting to lose track of time. It's getting darker and colder, and it's not just the seasons changing. We're mostly reading and sleeping, when I'm not thinking about how I really feel for him. He's so pretty but I'm afraid that my love is selfish, that I only love him because it makes me feel good about myself.

Yesterday a tall rugged man approached us as we sat in the restaurant. He didn't know any English but we soon understood that he wanted to buy our jeans. And suddenly I was brought back to reality, realizing how incredibly privileged I am. My stupid problems seem so trivial compared to the poverty we're witnessing all around us. But then again, I guess things are never that easy.

15 comments:

  1. Your mother writes so beautiful like you.
    Daphne.
    http://fashiondivamommy.blogspot.com

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  2. https://www.facebook.com/enjoyjoygirls

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  3. interesting read,thinking outside the box always bring us in a circle.

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  4. I visited your blog and i like it so much!
    Visit my blog and if it like u, became my new follower (I folloew back!!)
    Have a great Monday!
    www.thecurlylady.blogspot.com

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  5. love it!

    http://glamourgirl-bg.blogspot.com/

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  6. ou yeah....you are strong :)
    i am firs time on your blog, and i def.like it! :)

    You are so interesting girl...) nice blog

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  7. I'm pretty sure your got your amazing writing skills from your mother..when you put your writing and then her entry in your post, they go so well together. It never gets old ♥

    ♥Abby

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  8. i love your blog. it reminds me of my favourite book 'the perks of being a wall flower' by steven chbosky. i really do adore it, and your style of writing is impressivly similiar to the author's one. just keep on like that.

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  9. It sucks when you physically see someone getting on with their life, and that they seem outwardly 'okay'. It definitely hurts, but once you realize it, being single is so nice

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