Thursday, October 6, 2011

Incarceration of the mind

I've always wondered how you can feel so encapsulated in a huge city like Los Angeles, how this creeping claustrophobia can arise from living among so many anonymous faces, but at least I know where I got it from. Mother writes in her diary:

78-11-09

I constantly feel the need to get out of here, this town is like a prison and restlessness is my life sentence. I don't know if the cage is too small or my wings too wide, but I know I've never been more afraid of anything than to be trapped here forever. Maybe it's true what they say, that you can never run away from yourself, but I imagine I'm running from something else and that everything will be fine if I'm just free to go wherever I want.

T is asleep, we have to leave early in the morning but I'm still up. It's not that I'm having second thoughts about him, but I fear I will end up hurting him. I hope it's a risk he's willing to take.




10 comments:

  1. I think you are lucky to be able to access your mothers old diaries. I hope one day my children will look back at my old blog entries and find a deeper understanding of me.

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  2. "restlessness is my life sentence"

    and mine...
    wow.
    hope ur ok, a. love the golden moment of the image, too.
    x

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  3. Your posts never disappoint me Avy.Lovely words <3

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  4. you sounds as if you need liberation,
    yet it must be such a high to read your
    mom's diary.

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  5. Very deep and beautiful photo, and the text.. I just hope you reach what you are looking for and do what comes first in your mind, its always the best. And am really just like you, in the same situation.. I really wanna get out of this town and live somewhere else, just waiting to finish studying first..

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  7. You're lucky that you can get to know your mother in a much better way than you used to. Very few people have their closed one's personal writings to read. Some of your nature's part reflects your mother's as well. :')

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