Tuesday, August 30, 2011

A girl like you could use a break

Friday, as the hurricane sweeps in over New York City, I'm in my bed worrying about mother. I never do so the feeling surprises me, but I know I recognize it from somewhere. Maybe it's the idea of not knowing what you have until you lose it, that for all the times I've fantasized about her being out of my life I wouldn't really want it to happen.

I'm watching CNN when I remember one of those fights we had, some stupid argument over nothing at all, and her leaving for New York in a cloud of rage. I remember imagining a plane crash and the reporters on TV telling the story about the ungrateful daughter who lost her mother and would never be able to forgive herself for her part in it. The daughter that had asked for it to happen and then couldn't handle the consequences when it did.

And then, the sound of keys in the lock and mother's voice piercing through the silence. "Sweetie, I'm home" she shouts from the hallway. I don't think I've ever hugged her so truthfully.


  1. When my I got the call that my mother had breast cancer, I hung up the phone and cried. I remember being surprised my cheeks were wet. I have so long wanted her dead, and here I was crying over the possibility. She survived. Her breast didn't. I often feel disconnected with her and think I prefer it. But those curve balls that life throws...makes me realize how little I know, even about myself.

  2. ....life is so short....appreciate it before becoming ashes...

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  4. Avy i just wanted to tell you that you are amazing. please keep up your gorgeous writing, i have to take a break from blogger. i'm too far out right now, i need to find myself again.i will be back. and i will always always read your posts.take care, beautiful girl!

  5. I am so glad you made peace with your mom. I feel like this sometimes too.

  6. your words are enchanting, can't wait to continue reading!


  7. No matter how much you usually argue with ur Mom, shes the only one who wanna give the best. The matter is just they way she gives it, sometime its wrong. I am happy you find another feeling of the real you. Love ur Mom as much as you can :D


  8. Me encanta navegar por la red y descubrir rincones nuevos!!! he dado con el tuyo y me he hechado un tiempo cotilleandolo,

    leyéndolo y me encanta!!!! además ,me gusta muchisimo participar y apoyar a las bloggers, sino nos apoyamos entre nosotras,

    quien lo haría ?¿?¿? te sigo y te doy mi enhorabuena ,te dejó el mio, si te gusta y crees que me lo merezco, me encantaría que formaras parte de el "siguiendome"

    pues chicas /os como tu lo hacen posible y muy especial para mi !! un besiño