Wednesday, July 13, 2011

When I'm standing on my own

Some of you might wonder how I know all these things about my father's life from years before I was born, and the simple answer is I've puzzled it together. He told me much himself, but he also kept a journal and when we weren't together he would write me letters. I've forced myself to go through everything he ever wrote and saved, just to be certain I'll never forget anything.

And sure, I was just a child at the time but already then I knew there was something wrong with this world. With so much blatant hypocrisy, deceit and pure evil everywhere around me, and with him being the only bright light on a clouded night sky, why wouldn't I listen? Why wouldn't I remember? Why wouldn't I treasure every moment, every story, every piece of information that helped me understand him a little better?

When you've only known one truly honest and good man your entire life and he's suddenly taken away from you, what can you do? How do you move on?

I don't even try, I know it would only end in tears. It's just not worth it.

29 comments:

  1. oh dear, i empathize with you, be strong.

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  2. I can understand, Avy.. It really hurts to be in such a situation and having nothing or no one that can heal the pain.. but that's where your strength lies. We all know you're a strong person.. Just never look back! *Hugs*! :)

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  3. Stay strong dear!

    http://www.hsquaredfashion.blogspot.com

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  4. I lost my grandfather when I was 13 and my father when I was 15 and I am not gonna lie. its hard to ever 'move on'. Everything begins to get easier to bear and slowly you dont hurt as much. Time and distractions I guess. My heart is with you x

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  5. I love when you comment on my blog, it makes me happy.

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  6. :) thank you for your comment, that pleases ! (Sorry to answer you so late.)

    Your blog is funny great, good continuation :)

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  7. Maybe you shouldn't try to move on Avy,maybe you should treasure those moments,and stories,and smile!Cause your dad was such a great man that his whole life became a story worth telling!
    PS: Looking forward to more stories about your dad

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  8. good for me? :)

    lealeistner.blogspot.com

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  9. babe i have lost them both, i know...
    and i love how you think of him and keep him alive here, with your amazing words. almost everything is wrong with this world but as you once said to me, we can escape reality. maybe even create our own.

    x

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  10. You write beautifully. Stay true to yourself - I don't blame you for holding his memory so close to your heart.

    x Michelle | thefeatherden.net

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  11. Thanks for the comment! Just started looking through your lovely blog and I'm hooked! I lost my father just a few weeks ago and I've been pouring though everything he has ever written or anything that was ever written to him. This is all so new to me, so I'm not really sure how to move on yet.

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  12. This post makes my heart ache. I'm so sorry darling, I can sympathize with what you're feeling right now.

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  13. Be strong love!

    I know what it's like to lose a very important man in your life. Just keep strong and carry on. That's all we can do.

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  14. Thanks for the comment! You seem like such an interesting person and I love the way you write. So beautiful

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  15. someday that's all i can say

    http://honeybeelane.blogspot.com/

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  16. Thanks for dropping by my blog! and I sympathize dear...Hang on,everything will be ok in time:)

    http://theclassycroissant.blogspot.com

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  17. i really like your blog !
    and beautiful pictures :)
    thanks for the sweet comment on my blog.
    - now following you :)

    N.K.L
    www.nkl-fashion.blogspot.com

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  18. My panties bother? : S I had not paid attention. Actually I thought the clothes would be more important ^ ^ '. My last photo bother?

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  19. I do not know what you can do. Time puts everything in place, the pain will not be there forever. It is hard and is a long way, but the pain go away, I assure you :)

    (Sorry for my English!)

    Un beso!

    Lola La Fleur

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  20. love it!!

    http://oppositelipstick.blogspot.com/

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  21. loveeeee it :D:D:D

    feel free to follow me(new):
    http://modedecerisier.blogspot.com/

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  22. ah! Thankyou, It means a lot you said that. My english words could be spelled wrong, cause I've only learned english from movies and books.
    I've red your writings, or just what you are blogging, just the way how you pick your words, it's absolutely a beautiful piece.

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  23. really nice photography, and I hope you feel better!

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  24. and your photographs are fantastic
    x

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  25. hope you feel better soon. I understand as my grandpa passed away at such a young age (50) and my family hasn't really come to terms even now.
    http://www.diyainherstilettos.com/

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  26. It took me a long time, but I met him, ONCE I believed he existed. I had to clear the clutter and expectations out of my life and then I was ready. He is the BEST…and I know there are others.

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