Tuesday, June 21, 2011

A memory gone missing

I hate being reminded of why I resent my mother. It's just so much easier to live in the illusion that everything is fine, and it takes weeks of pretending to forget it all over again.

This morning I woke up with the memory of a dress I loved but hadn't seen for a long time. I think I dreamt about it but I couldn't remember when I last wore it or where it might be now. I went through my closet, then mother's, then back to mine, but nothing. Mother has a way of being curious and asked me what I was looking for, so I told her.

Oh, that old rag, she said. I threw it away. I guess she saw that I got upset and said but darling, it was all worn out, and it wasn't even a nice brand.

I wanted to tell her that I didn't care about the brand, that it didn't matter if it was worn or torn or even unwearable. I loved it because of what it represented, for all the memories it carried, for who I used to wear it with.

I wanted to scream to her that a person like that must have no soul, but I was afraid she'd take it as a compliment.


  1. I can relate to your frustration and I am sorry.

  2. that's a shame that she threw it out. at least (i hope) she didn't do it to spite you.

  3. that is so friggin crappy
    id be completely furious if my mom threw out something like that of mine

  4. I'm so sorry.
    I would've been hysteric if some of my favourite things were thrown out.

  5. I can understand how angry you were, I think you should have told her how did you feel,, not yelling just talking ...but if you don't tell her she will never understand and even if she doesn't at least you took it out of your chest and let her know.

  6. what's worse that it's gone, or that is was taken away without your consent?

  7. That used to happen to me all the time! Often, I thought that it might be a way of my parents trying to throw away my individuality?

  8. honestly, why did she even have to touch your things.

    i'm sorry for this, dear.

  9. I happened upon your blog by happening upon another blog...you know how it goes.

    This post reminded me of the movie "The Piano Teacher" which I saw for the first time last week.

    Mothers and their daughters and their clothing and their bodies....I can relate and now I have 2 daughters of my own and I hope I do right by all of it.

    Thanks for your beautiful writing and blog. I wish I had more time....

  10. I can relate.

    I love the last two lines. My mother was a ghastly woman. Now she's just aghast that her only friend is alcohol, and her only daughter is missing.