My darling readers.
I'm home again, reading your sweet comments, smiling humbly. Thank you all so very much, and forgive me in advance for what you can't already know.
I went to New York because I thought my mother actually had something important to tell me, but I was wrong. In the midst of her rambling I tried to map her emotional state, unsucessfully. She thinks that she cares for me, but she only does it for her own sake, never really bothering to find out how I'm feeling or even who I am.
She wants me to love her simply because she's my mother, but I need a better reason than that. I need her to try harder and deserve my love, unconditional or not, either way. But her world doesn't function like that. In it, she's the sun and everything around her is there for the sole purpose of making her shine even brighter than before.
This is a realization I got - like so many other things - from my dearly departed father.