Sunday, February 6, 2011
I got so much from him, but it's only now that I fully realize it. And I still don't know where he got it all from, if he was born like that or if the society that he lived in shaped him with its razor sharp prejudices and social norms. One quality I recognize from him, in myself, is the ever so lingering ambivalence. I sometimes wake up with no power at all, not feeling sad or lonely but just apathetic. It's not that anything in particular made me feel that way, I just lose the drive to change whatever situation I'm in and accept my fate. I know he sometimes felt the same way, that he never wanted anything else than to leave his native town and find a better life, but at times he would just give up, for a day or two. Luckily - as with me - he soon after found that spark again, got up on his feet and made things happen. He finally got all the way to America, but not before having lived through many days of wanting to do or feel absolutely nothing.