On love - Part VIII

As time goes by, everything fades to distant memories and a lifetime might seem like so much less. What you easily forget is all the turning points, all those events that made you the person that you are because you had to change your ways.

When I was little I loved butterflies. I used to chase them through the flowery fields surrounding my grandparents' summer house, just to be able to claim them as my own. Then someone told me that if you touch a butterfly's wings it wont be able to fly again, so if I really loved them I would stop chasing them. I guess I understood, and in any case I never did it again. I wanted them to be free so that they could be beautiful, otherwise they would die and it would be my fault.

But with him, I forgot all about that. He said I love you and broke my heart because it sounded as if he really meant it. I wanted so much to show him that I deserved it, but I was afraid that if I let him look too deep in to my eyes he would discover that my soul was a void that would never be enough for him. So instead of letting him be his own I tried to claim him and own him as mine. I tried to touch his wings so that he couldn't fly away from me, just like a butterfly.

I still love them, but they scare me now because they remind me of my own ephemerality. And what can you say about someone that once tried to destroy beauty?