They tell me that I can be an agonizingly cold person, but all I've ever really been is honest. It's not my fault, but I've learned that sometimes the truth can be much more painful than even the most vicious lie. And sometimes it's better to just keep your mouth shut.
This morning I went to the café where Signe works to have breakfast. I like it there, it's small and inviting enough so you can feel relaxed and get away from the city noise for a while. Of course, mother, being the drama queen that she is, thought I wanted to get away from her. Normally I don't let it get to me, but this time my subconsciousness was too fast. Standing in the doorway as I got back she asked why do you hate me? and I said I blame you for my father.
Those words have been on my mind for so long, but I never thought they would actually slip off my tongue. The following few seconds of silence felt like years of psychological terror. Mother just stood there trembling, silent tears running down from behind her Givenchy sunglasses.
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Oh.
ReplyDeleteI think you were right being honest.
But maybe you should give her a hug tonight?
Love.
I really need to do that, but how? I fucked up big time. F F F.
ReplyDeleteMy, I always wanted to say that to my dad. But in always so scared, I don't know why though. If that wouldv'e happen to me , I too will feel regretful. & won't have the guts to apologize because I know it was wrong.
ReplyDeleteThe best thing is breathe & go talk to your mom :)
*bring tissues, it's good to prepare.
xohoua
I really like the way you write. I am the complete opposite. I have forever been known as a very sweet, cute person. I believe that can be just as much of a downfall in life as being labeled a cold individual. :/
ReplyDeleteShe might have needed to hear it. If you should be honest to anyone in this world... it should be your mother.
ReplyDeleteÅ/C
I think you did the right thing, now it's out in the open,
ReplyDeletebut, go and give her a hug, and talk about it,
I'm sure it could bring you closer, x.
I wish my mother cared about me as much as yours seems to want to care about you, whether she does a good job of really doing it or not.
ReplyDeleteThis broke my heart, darling.
it's true the truth can be infinitely more painful... but getting things out in the open is important in the long run. good luck x
ReplyDeleteSometimes it hurts, but the harsh honesty is needed. Don't underestimate the effect of what you said. Maybe it was for the best.
ReplyDeleteMuch love,
Sophia
http://apoetscircus.blogspot.com/
Good thing to be honest. I think it was good that you said this to your mom. If you are looking for advice (if not, then just ignore the next part of my message), I would definitely give her a hug and maybe see if you and your mom can get some councilling together. As much as I feel your pain, I can imagine hers too. Believe it or not, it sounds to me like you and your mom can be amazing friends down the road.
ReplyDeleteThe most important things are the hardest to say...at least it's finally out now and the hurt inside has slightly diminished... Only time will tell and words will heal... Give her sometime, both of you to digest what just happened. Then when you are both ready, I think you should go give her a nice hug and you both can work it out. Have faith (:
ReplyDeletethe truth will only open your heart to more truth
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine life without honesty. Being polite and kind all the time is making me tired. Avoid misunderstandings in life, sometimes I wish people would be more honest with me...
ReplyDeleteLove your flashlights...
Hope you having a great week, cheers: Evi
from my own experience I know that it's always better to be honest, even if honesty seems as harsh as here - it's still better than suffocating on what you'd want to say, because after some time it gets harder and it really begins to suffocate you. I wish I had the guts to be honest like that.
ReplyDeleteAvy, I think that is an important event, and you will be able to talk more with her about it. She may feel like that herself. Much good luck to both of you.
ReplyDeleteSecretia
I think you NEEDED to say it....Its been eating at you for so long...I know it hurt to say, but it felt good too didnt it...Yea, I would sit and talk to her or at least give her a hug like the other commentor said...No words, just hug...That will all that will need to be said...
ReplyDeleteDon't worry, honesty is never a fuck up, even if it hurts both of you now. Maybe this is something you both needed to get out in order to move on and grow closer. I know that sounds like the back of a cereal box, but give honesty a go. You'll both be amazed at how much better you'll feel when everything is off your chests. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteIt's good that you let it out. She probably feels that way too. You two should try to get together tonight, and talk about your feelings. she probably feels really bad that someone finally said that to her, but the truth hurts. <3
ReplyDeleteHonesty is always the right thing. The truth hurts. Its good you let her know how you feel sooner rather than later. I've held stuff in and i blew up. It was rather messy. You and your mother should talk because she seems to want to get through this with you.
ReplyDelete