I hate gravity. It takes so much energy and effort to build something up, but when it falls it falls fast on its own and there's nothing you can do but start all over again.
Lately I've been picking up the pieces of my broken body and mind, and in the middle of everything mother called, from New York. I guess I should be happy to know she's alive, but that's not the only thing I needed right now. I needed a shoulder to cry on, someone to carry the weight of my burdens for a little while, and instead I cried alone, away from the telephone, as I heard her talking into thin air.
Avy darling, are you there?
I wanted to say yes, I wanted to tell her I love her and miss her, and I wanted to tell her about what's happened so she could comfort me. Knowing that would never be, I didn't, and even if I wanted to I was sinking, drowning in the sound of my own tears. I can't cry in silence, I never could, and when I held my breath long enough to listen, her words stung my heart.